Rebuilding Happiness Far From Home

"It’s not the place we’re in but the people we share our journey with that define the true essence of happiness."

As a woman who left her homeland in search of safety, I carry memories that feel like echoes of a life I can never fully return to. One of the memories that lingers most vividly is the time I spent with my family, the warmth of shared moments, the laughter that filled the air, and the love that felt so ordinary at the time. I remember how my parents would often say, “Stay a little longer with us.” Their words, spoken with love, seemed so simple back then. I would sit for a while, but my mind was always elsewhere. I was caught up in the demands of work, responsibilities, and the constant race to achieve more. I thought I was doing the right thing, prioritising success over these seemingly small moments. I didn’t realise then how precious those requests were how fleeting those moments would become. When you are forced to leave everything behind your family, your friends, your home you realise what truly mattered all along. “Stay a little longer.” It was never just about the time. It was about connection, love, and being present with the people who shaped you. The Pain of Separation Displacement comes with a pain that’s hard to describe. It’s not just about losing a place; it’s about losing the people who made that place feel like home. Every refugee and asylum seeker knows this ache, the longing for faces you may never see again, for the comfort of shared meals, for the familiarity of voices calling your name. This loneliness is well-documented. According to a study published by the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), 86% of refugee women report feelings of isolation, and longing for the social bonds they once had. For many of us, this ache becomes a part of who we are. I live it every day. I miss the small things gathering around a table with family, sharing laughter with friends, and knowing that I was surrounded by people who truly knew me. In their absence, I’ve come to understand how much those moments meant. Happiness Beyond Achievements In my old life, I thought happiness came from accomplishments. I chased success, believing it would secure my future and make my family proud. While those pursuits are important, I now see how they overshadowed the simple joys that brought real meaning to my life. Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Looking back, I see that happiness wasn’t in the race for more, it was in the quiet moments with loved ones, the shared stories, the smiles exchanged across the room. Resilience and Rebuilding Connections Starting over in a new country is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Every day brings challenges: learning a new language, navigating unfamiliar systems, and trying to find a sense of belonging in a place that feels so different. But in this struggle, I’ve also found resilience. Even as I grieve what I’ve lost, I am discovering the strength to rebuild. I’ve found people who share pieces of my story, and who understand the weight of being far from home. Together, we’ve begun to create new bonds, and in those connections, I’ve found hope. I ask myself now: • How can I honour the lessons my old life taught me in this new chapter? • Who are the people I can build a sense of family with here? • How can I ensure that I don’t take these new relationships for granted, knowing how fleeting time can be? These questions guide me as I carve out a new sense of home. Finding Happiness Again To anyone who has been uprooted, let me say this: while the void left by what we’ve lost can never fully be filled, happiness can be rebuilt. It lives in the relationships we nurture, in the new memories we create, and in the strength we find within ourselves to keep going. Research supports this. According to Harvard’s 80-year-long Study of Adult Development, happiness and fulfilment are deeply tied to the quality of our relationships. As Robert Waldinger, the study’s director, explains: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.” These findings resonate deeply with me. They remind me that happiness isn’t tied to a specific place or achievement, it’s found in the people who stand beside us, in the moments we choose to be present with them. A Call to Pause and Cherish So, to anyone reading this, whether you are a refugee, an asylum seeker, or simply someone caught up in life’s demands—remember this: happiness is found in connection. Pause. Sit with the people you care about. Stay a little longer. Even as I build a new life far from home, I carry this wisdom with me. I carry the memories of my family, the lessons of my past, and the hope that I can create new tables to gather around, new conversations to share, and new moments of joy. This journey is not easy, but as women, we are fighters. We carry resilience in our hearts and strength in our souls. Let us never forget the power we hold to rebuild, to create love and connection wherever we are. ♥️ Note: This is not my story, but that of a woman I met, and it appears to be similer to mine and the stories of many other people in similar situations. References 1. UNHCR (2022). The Role of Women in Refugee Resettlement. 2. Waldinger, R. & Schulz, M. (2020). The Good Life: Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness. Harvard University. 3. Kierkegaard, S. (1843). Philosophical Fragments.

The Journey of Survival: A Refugee Woman’s Story of Hope and Resilience

When I heard the story of a woman who survived unimaginable hardships in her journey to the UK, I couldn’t sleep. Her account is not just a personal narrative but a reflection of the collective pain and resilience of millions of asylum seekers worldwide. It is a call to action for all of us—service providers, policymakers, educators, employers, and community members—to see asylum seekers not as statistics but as human beings who have endured unfathomable struggles to find safety. The Right to Asylum: A Global and UK Perspective The right to seek asylum is enshrined in international law. Article 14 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) states that "everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution." This is further reinforced by the 1951 Refugee Convention, which obliges signatory states, including the UK, to protect individuals fleeing persecution based on race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion. The UK’s asylum system is designed to uphold these rights, yet the process is fraught with challenges. Asylum seekers often face delays, uncertainty, and a lack of adequate support. According to the Refugee Council, in 2022, 89,398 people applied for asylum in the UK, yet many were left waiting for months or even years for a decision, all while living in limbo under restrictive conditions. UN High Commissioner for Refugees, Filippo Grandi, emphasised: "Seeking asylum is a fundamental human right. Refugees should not be seen as a problem but as people who can contribute to their new communities if given the chance." This woman’s journey highlights the importance of these rights. Despite being granted asylum, she continues to struggle with the psychological scars of her journey and the challenges of integration. The Journey: From Danger to Danger This woman fled her home country in search of safety, leaving behind everything she knew. Her journey took her across Africa, where she walked for days through the desert, surviving extreme heat and scarcity of water and food. She endured the horrors of human trafficking, witnessed unimaginable violence, and suffered deeply personal losses. She recounted how traffickers demanded exorbitant payments, and when those demands weren’t met, they turned to brutal violence. Men were beaten, women were raped, and others were left to die in the desert. She described watching a young woman beside her succumb to a snake bite. With no medical aid available, they buried her in the sand and continued their journey, haunted by her memory. On a crowded, unseaworthy boat to Europe, she and dozens of others sat motionless for three days. With no food, no water, and barely enough space to breathe, many on board didn’t survive. Those who did were left physically and mentally broken, only to face further hardship upon arrival in Europe. The Struggles After Arrival When she finally reached the UK, she thought her journey of suffering had ended. Yet, she quickly realized that surviving the journey was only the beginning. She faced new challenges: a foreign language, a complex system of laws and services, and a society that often viewed her with suspicion. While she was granted asylum, she struggled with severe mental health challenges—flashbacks of dead bodies in the desert, the cries of those lost at sea, and the haunting memories of her husband, who disappeared at the hands of traffickers. She described herself as “mentally dead,” trapped in the heavy weight of her past, even as she tried to build a future. According to the Mental Health Foundation, asylum seekers are five times more likely to experience mental health issues such as depression and PTSD than the general population. Yet, access to mental health services remains a significant challenge due to language barriers, stigma, and limited resources. The Right to Rebuild Lives Refugees have the right to rebuild their lives in safety and dignity. Article 34 of the 1951 Refugee Convention underscores the importance of integrating refugees into society, including providing access to education, employment, and other opportunities to contribute meaningfully. In the UK, the Refugee Integration Strategy outlines the importance of supporting refugees to learn English, access healthcare, find work, and engage in their communities. However, integration remains a significant challenge. A study by the Refugee Studies Centre at Oxford University found that "the process of integration is deeply impacted by structural barriers, including long delays in asylum decisions, restrictions on work, and limited support services." Dr. Alexander Betts, a professor at Oxford University, argues: "Refugees are not just victims—they are survivors with skills, aspirations, and immense resilience. Host societies benefit greatly when they empower refugees to rebuild their lives." What We Must Do As a society, we must do better. Asylum seekers and refugees are not just “cases” or “numbers”—they are human beings, with dreams, talents, and immense resilience. They are survivors, not burdens. Here are some ways we can support them: Service Providers: Healthcare workers, educators, and social service providers must receive training on the unique needs of asylum seekers. Language interpretation services and cultural sensitivity are essential. Community Members: We must create welcoming spaces where refugees feel supported and included. Simple acts of kindness—such as offering guidance or inviting someone to community events—can make a significant difference. Policymakers: It’s crucial to ensure that mental health services, housing, and education for asylum seekers are adequately funded and accessible. Simplifying the asylum process can also reduce the unnecessary stress and uncertainty faced by applicants. Employers: Hiring refugees and providing them with opportunities to learn and grow can empower them to contribute meaningfully to society. A Message of Hope Despite her pain, this woman carries within her the spark of hope. I told her, “You have endured what most cannot even imagine. Now, you have the chance to reclaim your life. This country can be a place where you rebuild, where your past does not define your future. You have rights here—rights to learn, to work, to thrive.” Her story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, but it is also a call to action for all of us. Refugees and asylum seekers are not defined by their struggles—they are defined by their strength, their courage, and their humanity. Let us stand with them and create a society where they can not only survive but thrive. References United Nations. Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948), Article 14. UNHCR. 1951 Refugee Convention and its Protocol (1967), Articles 1, 34. Refugee Council. Statistics on Refugees and Asylum in the UK (2022). Betts, Alexander. Survival Migration: Failed Governance and the Crisis of Displacement (2013). Mental Health Foundation. Refugees and Mental Health (2021). Refugee Studies Centre, Oxford University. Integration in Host Countries (2020).

The Silent Suffering of Children of Asylum Seekers in the UK

Recently, I attended national conferences and several refugee community events where I had the opportunity to engage with asylum-seeking and refugee women. Through our conversations, they shared deeply personal stories about the challenges their children face—stories that highlight an urgent but often overlooked crisis. One mother described her teenage son’s shame in identifying as an asylum seeker, fearing judgment from his peers. Another spoke of her teens’ frustration and hopelessness because they cannot access higher education due to prohibitive international fees. Others recounted the impact of witnessing family violence, compounded by the instability and isolation of life in limbo. These conversations have stayed with me, inspiring this reflection on the unseen toll the UK’s asylum system takes on children. Beyond their immediate needs for safety and shelter, these young people face profound mental health challenges that demand our attention and action. The Emotional Toll of Parental Struggles Children of asylum seekers often carry the unspoken weight of their parents’ anxieties. Parents, restricted from working and uncertain about their future, grapple with stress and depression that inevitably affects their children. One mother shared how her teenage son hides his asylum status, afraid of being judged or pitied. “He doesn’t want his friends to know. He feels they’ll see him as less,” she explained. This internalised stigma isolates children, undermining their self-esteem and ability to integrate into their communities. The UK Trauma Council reports that children exposed to such chronic stress are at higher risk of developing anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues. The effects can last into adulthood, making early intervention crucial. However, many families struggle to access mental health services due to language barriers, cultural stigma, and systemic gaps. Barriers to Education and Opportunity For asylum-seeking teenagers, education is a beacon of hope, yet one that remains frustratingly out of reach. A mother at one event described her children’s anger and disillusionment. “My teens want to go to university, but as asylum seekers, they’re considered international students. We can’t afford the fees, and there are only a few scholarships for them.” This systemic exclusion leaves young asylum seekers trapped. Without opportunities to study or work, they face feelings of worthlessness and despair. According to Human Rights Watch, such barriers not only stifle personal ambition but also perpetuate cycles of poverty and marginalisation. As Nelson Mandela famously stated, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Denying asylum-seeking youth this weapon limits their potential and our collective future. The Trauma of Witnessing Violence In some cases, children not only face displacement but also grow up in homes marked by instability and domestic violence. One woman shared how children witnessed their father abusing their mothers, a trauma that has left deep scars. “They act out at school or withdraw completely. It’s like they don’t know how to handle their emotions,” she said. The British Red Cross highlights how exposure to violence, compounded by the stress of displacement, leads to complex mental health challenges in children. These can include aggression, difficulties forming relationships, and an inability to regulate emotions. Creating safe and supportive environments is essential for breaking these cycles. Trauma-informed care and community-based support programs can help children process their experiences and rebuild trust. Systemic Delays and Mental Health The UK’s asylum process is notorious for its delays, with families often waiting years for decisions. These prolonged periods of uncertainty take a significant toll on mental health. A 2024 report by the Mental Health Foundation reveals that such limbo exacerbates depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress in both children and parents. Temporary housing is another source of strain. Human Rights Watch has documented cases of families living in cramped, substandard conditions for over a year. One mother described how her 14-year-old son became withdrawn, refusing to leave his room for days. These conditions violate basic human rights and further isolate children from education, healthcare, and community life. As António Guterres, UN Secretary-General, reminds us, “Refugees are not the problem; they are part of the solution.” Ensuring their well-being benefits not just them but society as a whole. Recommendations for Policy and Support Addressing the challenges faced by children of asylum seekers requires action at multiple levels: For Policymakers: Expedite asylum decisions by reducing backlogs. Reclassify asylum-seeking students as domestic applicants for tuition purposes. Ensure that trauma-informed policies guide all interactions with asylum-seeking families. For Healthcare and Schools/Colleges Providers: Increase access to culturally sensitive mental health services. Train professionals to recognise and respond to the unique needs of asylum-seeking children. For Refugee Advocates: Expand educational scholarships and mentorship programmes. Build community networks to support mental health and social integration. Closing Reflections The stories shared by the women I met are not isolated incidents but reflections of a broader systemic failure. Children of asylum seekers are growing up in a system that marginalizes their potential and undermines their well-being. Their silent suffering calls for urgent action. By addressing these challenges through compassionate policies and effective support systems, we can ensure that these young individuals thrive and contribute meaningfully to society. As Kofi Annan, former UN Secretary-General, said: “We may have different religions, different languages, different colored skin, but we all belong to one human race.” It’s time we act in accordance with this shared humanity.